If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
