i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
