I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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