Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
