quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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