I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
