I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
