K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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