if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
