He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
