I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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