just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
