there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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