The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish I could teleport
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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