Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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