Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Having a random hookup so left but love u
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
