Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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