I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How's work?
Spinning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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