I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
