it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize