nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize