Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
