but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
