New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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