i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
