I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
