Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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