soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
