So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
