just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
