Screwed.edu
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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