She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
