Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize