If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
