YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
