Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
