There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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