RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
