why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
