therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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