Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i will never coherently bang her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
