I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
soo... how was my night?
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