yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize