smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize