Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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