I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
