Already got asked if we're dating
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
