I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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