There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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