Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
