hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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