Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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