Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
