Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
