i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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