Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
