I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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