A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
