I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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