I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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