I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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