I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
soo... how was my night?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
